Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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