and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
