dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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