i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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