I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
