Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think I have vodka in my lungs
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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