He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
