I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
