my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
