my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
