and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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