There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
