I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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