friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
