the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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