Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize