I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i need some magic done to my vagina
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
