Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
