and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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