I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
