put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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