just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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