Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
