I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
40s are totally the cure
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
