my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
