all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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