he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
