Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
