I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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