hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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