that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
