i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
