i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
