I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
