I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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