We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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