literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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