Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
