I'm laying in your front yard are you home
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
