dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
