After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
