I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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