Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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