Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
