I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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