No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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