My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
