Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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