he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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