Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
