it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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