apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
