So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
