i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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