i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
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