Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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