i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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