let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Is Oprah even human
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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