I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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