Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
