My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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