4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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