you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
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i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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