and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
