After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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