I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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