You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
