She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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