I got chris browned last night
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
