I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
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Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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