Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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