I cockslap morals
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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