That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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