My sheets look like a crime scene.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
