i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
